The Space Between

For the women trying to live life in the space between it all.

Tag Archives: provision

Self love and all that.

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Lately I’ve been recognizing the importance of self love and self care. I’m realizing that although those two things go hand in hand, they are far from the same thing. I’m also realizing lately how important it is to have someone on your side, supporting you and encouraging you to practice self care. My husband is a rockstar. Seriously. An absolute rockstar. He steps up daily and helps in anyway he can. Lately he’s been encouraging me to take time for myself and leave him with our four, yes FOUR, kids. I almost always offer to take one kiddo with me but he always tells me no and that I need time to myself. He has been fully on board with me getting my nails done regularly because if my nails are done, I feel complete. He encouraged me to find a babysitter once a week so I can have a day to myself. And let me tell you, hiring a sitter for four kids isn’t exactly cheap. He’s been fully supportive of it all. I have had to completely let go of the guilt I’m feeling because I really feel like a better mom when I have a break. I have longed to be a stay at home mom since we first had kids and because of my husband, that has been a possibility for me for the last year. I am so thankful that I have this opportunity and I’m so thankful my husband works so hard to make it happen.

I have really been working on dropping the guilt associated with leaving my kids. I’m a mom. It’s my job to be there and raise them everyday. This is why we decided for me to stay home. Why should I get a break? |Disclaimer: This is not a working mom shame post. I was a working mom for 2.5 years. I get it. I’m not in anyway shaming moms who leave their kiddos with someone to provide for their families. This is about me and my own personal issues and guilt so please hear that, first and foremost. I have so much respect for working moms. I sometimes feel guilty about that and wonder if my family would be better off if I did work so please, please, hear that above anything else.| I sometimes wonder if people will judge me for needing a one day a week break from my kids. But I’ve worked really hard to drop that feeling because what people think about me is none of my business.

The past few weeks I’ve worked really hard on developing self love and good self care habits. It’s so hard. It’s hard to look in the mirror and see my giant bags and tired eyes. It’s hard to put myself first some days when I have so many other things and people pulling me in different directions. I have felt extremely spread thin most days. However, I have to remember that those giant bags were up late with a baby and the tired eyes will get rest again some day and I’ll long for these days again. So for now, I’ll embrace it. I’ll embrace the mess and the chaos. I’ll embrace the dry shampooed hair and yesterday’s clothes. I’ll embrace the crumbs on the floor and the van that will never be clean again. img_8094.jpg

“Self care can be as simple as taking 10 minutes a day to read a book or enjoy your coffee while it’s still hot. Self love can be as simple as telling yourself you are worthy everyday.”

I’ll embrace it and remember that this momma bear gets up and fights for her kids daily. This momma loves herself and the woman God made her. She will love her husband and her kids but also work on taking care of herself so she’s not trying to pour from an empty cup. She will praise the Lord daily and thank Him for all the incredible things He’s provided in this life. Self love is pushing yourself everyday to be better than you were yesterday but also understanding it’s okay to make mistakes. Self care can be as simple as taking 10 minutes a day to read a book or enjoy your coffee while it’s still hot. Self love can be as simple as telling yourself you are worthy everyday. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it just has to be intentional. I urge you to talk to your support system if you’re struggling with this. And if you don’t have a support system, find one. It’s vital for your well being, sweet momma! And always remember, you are incredible and so worthy of self care and self love.

Sweet, simple faith.

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Every night, my husband and I pray with our daughters. One of us usually starts and Audrey jumps in and asks if she can pray instead. It usually goes something like this, “Dear God, thank you for mommy and daddy. Thank you for Audy and Quinn. Thank you for Dez. Thanks for my friends. Thank you for Sofia the First. Thank you for our IMG_7857blessings. In Jesus’ name, Amen!” Sometimes it’s super short and sometimes it lasts for minutes. She will usually add in thanking God for MawMaw & PawPaw and Nana & Pop or her aunts and uncles and cousins and other family members’ pets. I remember very specifically when we were praying for someone to get better she prayed, “Please make her all better because she’s sick.” What if it was actually that easy to pray like that? What if we actually believed that the Lord could make someone sick better?

Childlike faith. We’re called to live like little children and have faith like a child, but do we actually do it? Do we truly believe the Lord can heal like a momma’s kiss on a boo boo? Do we thank God daily for all of the things we are blessed with? Is it difficult? Do we feel silly? Do we think it matters? I think we could learn a lot about prayer and faith by watching and listening to children. It’s so sweet and simple. I think as we get older, we become calloused to things because we go through so many trials and the world is so full of hurt. We become less likely to believe in things we can’t see or experience firsthand. Maybe we begin to take things for granted. Maybe we don’t see the miracles and provision in our own life. Maybe we don’t see the little blessings we are given every day. We become so jaded that we don’t believe the Lord can perform miracles. Miracles are happening around us every day, we just need to change our perspective a little bit. My sweet three-year-old sees the world in such a different way than I do. She thanks God for everything, and I do mean everything. A few weeks ago she thanked God for cheese. She thanks God for the park. Imagine if we had gratitude for everything in our life? Even something as simple as the park or cheese. Imagine what our life would look like. Our lives would fill up with so much gratitude and contentment. As we enter into the season of giving and thankfulness, I challenge you to have faith like a child. Thank the Lord for the little things, pray for others, ask for miracles. We just might be able to change the world.

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136:1

Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 18:3-4

Living in doubt.

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This is going to be extremely candid and not very well rehearsed as I’m writing this from my phone while nursing my 8 month old. I’ve felt the Lord pushing me to write this for a few days now and I’m finally doing it very causally and quickly. I’m praying the Lord paves the way and these words are truly from Him.

I’ve officially been a stay at home mom for two months now. I’ve been struggling big time with only living on one income. I love shopping and spending money and I love serving others and being able to help others out. I like nice things and coffee and smell good things. I’ve been struggling with not being able to willy nilly buy whatever I want. Talk about selfish. We have a beautiful home, beautiful children, beautiful things. Of course there’s things we want to improve or buy new but that’s not a reality for us right now. Why am I so focused on the things I want rather than what I already have? Why do we do this? I want. I want. I want.

I started applying for jobs last week. Brandon and I talked and we came to the conclusion that God was just trying to teach us a lesson about money and being grateful for what we have. Yes, that’s it. We’ll be different this time. No, no we won’t. We’re still spending left and right and haven’t learned anything. I told my mom I was applying for jobs and she told me that it was just a case of the “I wants.” She was right. I had a very eye opening conversation with a friend who is in a similar situation last night. She’s struggling with some of the same things. But she’s trusting the Lord to provide and they’re doing everything they can to make this work for them. She told me we’re always chasing something. We’ll always want more or new or different. I’m currently wondering what I’m going to do come fall and I can’t spend $200 on Bath & Body Works fall candles like I do every year. Is it even fall if your house doesn’t smell like pumpkins or fresh leaves? Maybe not. Just kidding, yes it is. And at the end of the day, I’m staying at home with my kids for my kids. Do you think they’re going to remember what our house smelled like? Will the pumpkin smell be their fondest memory growing up? It might be. But probably not.

I’ve spent the last month doubting God’s plan for our family. One of my dear friends received a text from me at 2am one night because I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t stop crying over this. She encouraged me to pray. I’m truly grieving the life we used to live but I truly believe (and am working on living it out) that the Lord has a great plan for us. I may get a job soon. I also might not. But I’ve had some strong convictions lately and if it does happen, it’ll be for the right reasons. I don’t know what the future holds. Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a God crystal ball? I’d love to see the future but that doesn’t leave much room for faith, does it?

Today I’m praying for anyone living in doubt of what the Lord has planned for you. Having faith can be so hard but I’m letting Jeremy 29:11 ring true.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬

Such powerful words. The Lord has great plans for our lives. Maybe you’re in a season where you just don’t feel that. Hold tight. It’s coming. He will always provide and in the midst of the good and the bad – He remains constant and good. Shake that doubt away and hold close to this promise He made to us. He has us. He has me. He has you. He won’t let any of His children slip through the cracks. I know it’s hard but rest assured this is only a season. I’m praying for you, friend.

When the Lord provides.

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For the past few months it’s been laid on my heart that I’m being called to be a stay at home mom. I’ll be perfectly honest, my husband and I battled a lot about this because I kept bringing it up. It was all so silly and crazy because I would never quit my job. Ever. I love my job. None oIMG_8956f it made any sense. We’d fight and I’d get frustrated because I didn’t understand why I felt so strongly about something that wasn’t ever going to become a reality. It didn’t make sense. I even bought Erin Odom’s book You Can Stay Home with Your Kids in hopes of finding some good tips. Why? I have no idea. There was no reason for any of this. Then I got the news. In two weeks, I wouldn’t have a job anymore. Suddenly it all made sense. The Lord was preparing my heart for this for months and I didn’t even know it. He was preparing my husband for this conversation and preparing our household for what was to come and we didn’t even realize it. The days to follow were stressful. My husband very clearly knew the desires of my heart but the protector and provider in him was having a hard time coming to grips with losing an entire income. I prayed and begged and pleaded. I prayed a lot. I sought a lot. For the first time in a long time, maybe even ever, I listened. I listened with all that I had. I updated my resume. The Lord said no. I began to search for and apply for jobs. The Lord said no. I begged for clear and concise answers. I’m pretty sure God laughed at that. Well, maybe I can just work part time. The Lord said no again. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! Focus on your family. But, Lord, focusing on my family doesn’t make any money. Trust me. I will provide. I kept praying. I prayed and I prayed. All of a sudden, I felt this amazing peace. There was no fear. I knew there would be many sacrifices but I was ready and willing. I felt free. I felt excited. I had no idea what the Lord had planned – to be honest, I still don’t – but I know He has a mighty plan for my family.

The blessings started pouring in. The Lord was providing! Just like He said He would. I somehow managed to cut our grocery budget in half and now we’re eating better than we ever have before. How? I have no idea. I bought the same groceries I always do and yet this time they were a lot cheaper. I can’t explain it. Our phone bill was due to be dropped by $40 that month because they would both be paid off now. My bosses were extremely gracious and paid me for 4 weeks after I was done working. Little things began happening. Random free items, random discounts, bills that should have been more that were way cheaper than we could’ve imagined. Our eyes were opened. The Lord was providing. He wasn’t dropping hundreds of dollars from the sky but little by little, He was showing us just how powerful and mighty His great plan is.

Trust in Him. Even on the darkest of days, trust in Him. Give it all to Him. Listen. Trust. Believe. Seek. Pray. Worship. Know that the Lord will provide. And even though it may not be what you thought or look like what you wanted, know that He has the most incredible plan imaginable in the works. You just have to be ready to step out in faith and trust that He has a hold of you. He will always pave the way and go before us, we just have to trust and have a little faith.