The Space Between

For the women trying to live life in the space between it all.

To my husband. From the wife who lost herself.

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First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for still loving me like you did when we were fun and spontaneous. Thank you for not treating me any different than when we were newlyweds and could still be playful with each other. I’m not the same person you married. I know that. Two kids in just over two years has made me a little less fun and a lot more tired. I know I’m not as eager to go on date nights or show you affection because I have kids crawling on me all day long. I’m sorry I don’t notice and appreciate the little things you do for me. I’m sorry I don’t thank you as often as I should. I’m sorry I sometimes throw the kids at you without saying hi first when you walk in the door.

You have held this family together the last 3.5 years. From the moment I got pregnant, you’ve been attentive, caring, loving, patient, kind, and so many other things. You have a servant’s heart in how well you care for and love others. I’m so thankful for that. You maneuvered through my postpartum depression and anxiety so cautiously yet with so much grace. It couldn’t have been easy to deal with. It couldn’t have been easy dealing with a wife who cried all time and who constantly needed the house to be perfect and got ragey when it wasn’t. It couldn’t have been easy having a wife who was afraid to be alone. And yet, you did it. You were so loving and kind even though you didn’t understand.

I know it seems like I put our kids before you. And maybe sometimes I do, but I don’t mean to. We created this family together. We are partners on this incredible journey. I know I don’t look the same as I did before kids. I know I don’t act the same. I don’t even smell the same. Things changed. I changed. I lost a little bit of myself when I had kids. We now have two beautiful children and they took a piece of me with them when they joined this world. I know it seems like I lost myself but really, I have spent the last 3.5 years figuring out who I really am. I’ve learned that in the midst of being a mom, I’m also a wife and that has to come first. I know so many days it doesn’t but I’m working on it. I’m working on loving you better and putting you first. I’m working on being the carefree person you fell in love with.

We have an incredible life and I attribute that to you. You’ve provided for this family so tirelessly. You’ve stepped up to do menial tasks to help keep our household running. You’re amazing. You always say you don’t know how I do it. But I don’t know how you do it. You’re the piece my life was missing. This family needs you. We wouldn’t work the way we do without you. We wouldn’t have the things we do or be the way we are without you. You are the pinnacle of this family and we would be so lost without you. Thank you for the man that you are. Thank you for being the constant we’ve so desperately needed the past few years. We need you. We love you. Thank you for all you do.

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